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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28517694">the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_kaiju/pseuds/mothprism'>mothprism (pastel_kaiju)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eventual Romance, Friends to Lovers, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Mentor/Protégé, Mutual Pining, Other, Slow Burn, imposter syndrome</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:01:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28517694</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastel_kaiju/pseuds/mothprism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You, a 2nd class SOLDIER, are so graciously being trained under the pride of Shinra, a decorated war hero. You should be ecstatic. You should be grateful. If only he wasn't such a hardass.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sephiroth/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>well.<br/>here's the product of 3 weeks of ff7 brainrot (thanks, smash bros)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>The hell, man?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a sharp jerk of your wrists, you flipped the headset above your eyes, roughly shoving your hair up at the crown that gave you the vague appearance of a hastily arranged bird’s nest. Seconds ago, you were cutting down Shinra grunts on the Midgar highway like they were nothing but flowers. And now you were standing in a dome, adrenaline still buzzing through your veins. As the sim around you dissolved in a shower of 1’s and 0’s, the source of the interruption blotted out the light from the training room’s exit. Standing across from you - draped in black and wearing a grave face that would’ve made a skeleton shiver - was your mentor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sephiroth was an obelisk of a man, tall and lean and not unlike one of the statues you’d see guarding the churches in Sector 5’s slums.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Least you could do is give me a warning before you pull me out like that.” you whined as you rolled your shoulders with a satisfying pop. “I was doing just fine before you </span>
  <em>
    <span>rudely</span>
  </em>
  <span> interrupted.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Just fine’ won’t cut it when you’re face-to-face with Wutai soldiers.” he said, crossing his arms. “You can do better. I’ve seen you do better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sephiroth always spoke in a calm manner (as if he wasn’t already a pain in the ass to read), but since taking you under his wing you had come to recognize the many different flavors in which that calm manifested itself. And this was specially reserved for when he was very, very tired.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Feeling your palms prickle, you shoved your pair of shortswords back in their scabbards.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right.” you nodded curtly, setting the headset back in its charging port and already meaning to leave before he could cite some vaguely-worded and slightly cryptic advice. “There’s always tomorrow, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sidestepping in front of you in one fluid motion, Sephiroth peered down at you with an icy gaze. Craning your neck upward at an uncomfortable angle so that you weren’t eye-to-chest, you ground your foot into the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So we’re good tomorrow?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was as rigid as a glacier, and just as vocal. You sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Permission to return to quarters, sir?” you grumbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Denied.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You wheezed out a bitter laugh. Sometimes you wondered if he got off on bossing you around, but the notion of Sephiroth getting off to </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> was enough to send you reeling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you wanted to make 1st.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pithy breeze flashed in front of you, and it took you a second too long to realize there was a sword directed at your sternum. You stumbled backward, only barely finding your balance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What-“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, this won’t be a fight.” he said, slowly inching Masamune forward until you had no choice but to walk backwards. “Think of it as a dialogue.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You steadied the heavy thump of your heart as you straightened yourself, lifting your chin maybe just a little too high in a feeble attempt at hiding your nerves. The only time you had ever faced your mentor in a fight was the day he chose to train you out of a flock of other SOLDIERs. It was a punishing session, and in the end he had disarmed you in three moves. You had heard later from the other recruits that that was the longest anyone had lasted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t that the opposite of what you should be teaching me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A SOLDIER isn’t just their kill count.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unsheathing your swords, you let slip a snort. “Easy for you to say.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean it.” he said, fortifying his stance as the room melted back into the sim.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re getting sloppy. Good form, but no tact. When you accept those as parts of you,” he said, nodding toward your swords. “And not just a tool, everything else becomes an afterthought.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was awfully serious today - and he had practically cornered the market on being serious - but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you just a little nervous. You were used to aloof Sephiroth - succinct nods of approval and pointed glares of disapproval, both marked by a signature silence that could fill a room. Talking someone’s ear off wasn’t something Sephiroth was known for (or particularly good at, if you were being honest), but when he did, </span>
  <em>
    <span>man</span>
  </em>
  <span> was it weird.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In that time, you were back in the sim, now finding yourself standing outside a Shinra facility - a mako refinery, if the acrid odor drifting beneath the thick, briny scent of seawater gave you any indication. The two of you were standing on just one of the massive metal-plated pipes that fed into the factory. Jutting out the side of a cliff like a blossoming giant, a mess of pipes and valves, it faced a sea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The environment around the facility was in a perpetual state of dusk, the sun sitting just above the water’s horizon, with clouds in shades of pink and gold that hovered wistfully in the sky. The last of the day’s blue disappearing into a day that would never come. The sea itself was dark, lazily churning against the face of the cliff, the sun’s light refracting into thousands of tiny gems on its surface.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sephiroth took no time to admire the sim’s flawlessly randomized recreation - raising the hilt of his sword up to his eye level while keeping his right hand close to his body, shifting his weight on one foot while the other stayed back, ready to spring him forward at a moment’s notice. Taking his cue, you balanced yourself, holding your swords out in front of you in an x-shape.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The corner of his mouth quirked up in a tiny, self assured smirk (though, to the untrained eye, resembled more an involuntary twitch of muscle than anything), blinking long and slow. Your teeth worried at the inside of your cheek. Had he made you wait any longer and you think you would’ve broken skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But before you could worry a hole through your cheek, 7 feet of sinewy muscle charged at you like a bullet shot from a gun. His sword clashed against yours with an ear-splitting </span>
  <em>
    <span>clang</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the ringing of metal running down the tips of your fingers. Grunting at the force pushing back at you, you slid one sword out from under Masamune, slashing the air between you and effectively getting him to step the fuck off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bounced back, landing gracefully on the tips of his toes like a dancer coming down from a leap. His eyes narrowed, but there was a twinkling in his pupils. Normally, a beaming Sephiroth would’ve been a sight to commemorate, preferably behind a neat little frame set on a desk somewhere. But it only gave you one thought: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In a very short space of time, you were standing face to face with your superior once again, his sword slamming into the broad, flat side of your right hand’s blade. You had barely raised it in time, and he had only given you a moment to prepare yourself against a barrage of attacks, somehow managing to parry each one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You block too much. You’re a sword, not a shield.” he said, almost sounding bored.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You would’ve responded with any number of pieces of crude backchat that you’d accumulated since training under him, but the man hardly gave you time to breathe let alone think.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Each twitch of his sword was a masterpiece of technique. He fought like a well-oiled machine, inevitable, bloodless, with absolute awareness of the power he held. It was beautiful, or, it would be if you weren’t on the receiving end of his advances. He was fast, inhumanly, unfairly fast. And with his equally unfair reach, it was a miracle if you ever came close to landing a hit on him. The man had some cruel agreement with gravity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After your nth parry and a last minute pass back, you held Masamune in place, running your left blade down its length. His eyebrows briefly twitched upward before flicking his sword up, sending your blades down and away. But in a flash, you lunged forward, cutting just beneath his chin and hacking away thin slivers of his bangs. You were about to allow yourself a smirk, maybe even a ‘hmph’ born from pride and amusement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What happened instead was something so irritating it didn’t register with you until you were slammed to the floor. Pivoting away from an overhead slash, he - very gently - tucked his blade underneath yours, sending another bone-ringing </span>
  <em>
    <span>clang</span>
  </em>
  <span> through you like a bell. And (incredibly obnoxiously) he used your weight against you, forcing you backward. But, in a last-ditch effort to not look like a fool, you stuck one leg out - effectively killing any chance of recovery but by Gaia were you gonna take him down with you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You staggered backward like a flimsy piece of rubber, hitting the ground with a thump as your swords clattered on either side of you. Of course, Sephiroth landed with grace - hardly falling at all so much as shifting himself in tune with your otherwise graceless tumble. And yet - despite being perfectly fine, actually - he wore an uncharacteristically poleaxed expression, his lips hanging slightly open like a man caught mid-practical joke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sim had already disappeared, the panel next to your head flickering off and on before completely shuttering off a few seconds behind the rest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was when the sound of cracks splitting across the floor met your ears. His sword had pierced the tile mere centimeters away from where your forehead was, drowning out the sound of blood rushing to your ears. Sephiroth stood hunched over you like a gargoyle, one knee drawn up to his abdomen while the other pressed hard into the floor, effectively caging you in black leather and silver hair. Tucked between cold tile and an even colder man, you couldn’t get back up if you wanted to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was that good enough for you?” you wheezed, feeling like a pair of bricks had been shoved in your rib cage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He studied you with close scrutiny and a blank expression, hardly winded but breathing quietly, evenly. You could never tell what he was thinking, even this close. You had resigned yourself with the thought that you never will.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dismissed.” he ordered, finally.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pulling himself up, he tugged Masamune out from where it had wedged itself, stepping over you without so much as a look back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You tried to sit up, only managing to lift your head before a singular phlegm-raddled cough sent you thudding back to the floor, dazed and hot - uncomfortably so, like you had been tossed in a furnace. Feeling the muscles in your arms and legs cry for mercy, you decided to lay there. Just for a few minutes more.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>waaa thank yall for reading !! i honestly have no idea what im doing with this but im glad yall are here to see it lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You look like shit.” said one of your fellow 2nds - Devon - through a mouthful of food.</p><p>“Thanks.” you replied, sitting next to him like a bag of rocks.</p><p>By the time you dragged yourself out of the training room (not even bothering to hit the communal showers and heading straight for the cafeteria in an exhausted stupor), there was only pallid, unspecified meat and soggy leaves that might’ve been a salad once left in the reservoir. It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t good either, uncomfortably sitting somewhere in the so-so region. Looking at the vaguely edible shapes in their cold, rectangular boxes, you figured they were more of an essence of whatever they labeled it as. A single piece of white bread had more flavor. You stacked your tray with what you could, and just before you left to grab a seat, you doubled back to grab a water bottle.</p><p>After finally having the chance to settle, the muscles in your arms and legs ached. Like someone had taken a hammer to your joints. It was nothing like the feeling of being a spunky 3rd just coming back from rigorous training - you had ached then, but it felt good. It felt like progress. Now you were just dead tired. You suspected with great indignation that the feeling wouldn’t subside in a good while.</p><p>You were about to shove a fork full of the essence of meat in your mouth when you couldn’t help but look up at the friend sitting across from you. He was staring at you with wide, bluer-than-the-sky eyes. His puppy stare (that you made sure never to call it that to his face).</p><p>“Vic.” you said, feinting a stern tone. “<em> Don’t </em> wanna talk about it.”</p><p>You were dying to talk about it.</p><p>“You’re dying to talk about it.” said Victor and Devon in unison.</p><p>You groaned, hands flying to your face and tugging at your eyelids as you dragged them down. You had laid there in the training room for a good five minutes after Sephiroth left, half-expecting him to come back and further damage your ego. But he didn’t. And thankfully, no one else happened upon your battered form, for better or worse. Admittedly, you were feeling a lot less achy now that you were moving around, but where your back had collided with the floor now spouted an angry bruise in varying shades of yellow and purple.</p><p>“You sparred with Sephiroth?”</p><p>Victor - a 3rd and a few years your younger - always had at least one star in each of his eyes, but as you finished your lackluster retelling of the bout, he was twinkling like the night sky. “<em> That’s so cool </em>.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, real cool.” you picked at a clump of soggy leaves. “Ice cold.”</p><p>“That bad huh?” Devon said, with all the concern of wet concrete.</p><p>Slouching back down from where he was practically leaning across the entire table, Victor pouted.</p><p>“C’mon, it couldn’t have been <em> that </em> bad! At least you’re not stuck doing drills every day. Do you know how many of these guys would beg to be where you are?”</p><p>“At least you have someone to tell you what to do. Sephiroth just..expects me to know. It’s so - <em> he’s </em> so-” you punctuated with a grumble in your throat and a stab at the chalky meat on your tray, but it was so tender that it flaked away.</p><p>“He trusts you - that’s a good thing!”</p><p>You paused, taking a begrudging swig of water. “I guess..you have a point.”</p><p>You were still feeling slightly bitter, but a childish smirk played at the corners of your mouth. “Okay maybe it wasn’t completely terrible.”</p><p>They both perked up, looking at you curiously.</p><p>“I might’ve cut his hair.”</p><p>Both of their eyes shot open. “You <em> what </em>?”</p><p>• • •</p><p>It was dark by the time you and your friends dispersed, drowsily heading back to your respective quarters. But as tired as you were, you still felt like gum stuck on the bottom of someone’s shoe, so with a heavy sigh you hauled yourself to the showers.</p><p>They were empty, and completely quiet save for the tap-tap-tap of a few leaky showerheads. You tried to control your shivering as you turned the squeaky knob, a paralyzing chill washing down your body as cold water hit your skin like thousands of tiny icicles. The temperature evened out after a minute or two, though it was so late in the day that the highest it was able to reach was a tepid lukewarm.</p><p>You made quick work of your hair, combing out the last of the suds with your fingers. As you washed the rest of your body, your thoughts wandered back to the bout. It had only been a few hours since the training session, and you were already feeling a little better, if a little sore. But now the bruise was the least of your worries.</p><p>Sephiroth. Trusting you. <em> You </em>.</p><p>You wanted to laugh. You didn’t know why the concept was so unfathomable. To you, it just seemed like he was above that sort of thing. You knew of the other 1sts - it was almost impossible to avoid them, even if you wanted to - and how they were as thick as thieves. You knew your mentor was closer to them than anyone else, recalling brief memories of seeing them roaming the halls together, laughing and being..normal. You couldn’t imagine yourself in that sphere. You’d have better luck trying to catch a cloud.</p><p>Shutting off the water, you halfheartedly dried yourself off, your hair still slightly damp on your pillow as you faded into a dreamless sleep.</p><p>• • •</p><p>Waking up that next morning wasn’t as much of a chore as you thought it was. You were still sore as hell, but at least you could get up without complaining. Much.</p><p>You got dressed, your back popping as you threaded your arms through your sleeveless shirt’s armholes. Then, you rolled your shoulders, taking your wrist in one hand and pulling it across your chest, stretching and popping the joints in that socket. And then the other. Sliding your suspenders over your shoulders, you spied your reflection in the mirror in your bathroom. You could fit yourself inside it, with at least a foot to spare. But that foot was reserved for the door to swing open. You couldn’t count the amount of times you’ve stubbed your toe while opening the thing with both hands twice over. Brushing your teeth, you poked mindlessly at the dark bags under your eyes. You hadn’t noticed when they had gotten there, nor for how long. You spit into the sink.</p><p>Fixing your hair - which had somehow knotted itself in the back, making you look like you had gotten shocked by lightning in your sleep - with your hands, you were satisfied enough to leave your room. It was still early enough in the morning that the cafeteria was closed for at least another half-hour. Feeling restless, a prickling in your bones that couldn’t be quelled by sitting alone in your room - or anywhere else for that matter - you decided to go for a run.</p><p>The base’s outside training fields (that weren’t fields at all, but rather a series of cleared pads that weren’t completely overrun with crates of ammunition and other surplus supplies that had yet to be shipped to a warehouse somewhere) were a fair walk away, but you didn’t mind.</p><p>As you reached the end of the hallway, the elevator leading to the ground floor already in sight, the door slid open, revealing a figure that you didn’t quite register at first. You awkwardly stopped, your boots slightly skidding against the linoleum as if urging you forward. Which you did anyway, like a machine that had sputtered slightly before kicking itself back into gear. Sephiroth hadn’t seen your buffer, but the sound of it drew his eyes to you almost immediately. He stepped out, jutting one shoulder out first before the rest of his body followed. Trying not to meet his eyes, you waited for him to exit the elevator.</p><p>“Morning, sir.” you muttered, leftover grogginess on your tongue.</p><p>He nodded, a cordial expression flashing across his face.</p><p>As you passed him, one foot about to land in the elevator, you paused. There was a hand on your shoulder. You took a step back, straightening your posture without thinking.</p><p>His hand was gloved, always gloved, the leather not entirely warm - like he had just put them on. He wasn’t grabbing you in place, but Sephiroth had a gravity to him that made you want to stay there. It kind of scared you, but you were too busy shaking off the last vestiges of sleep that liked to hang around in the morning to care. If anything, you were just confused.</p><p>“Um.” you didn’t mean for the sound to come out, but too much silence made you nervous. You stayed quiet, too muddled to think of anything to say.</p><p>Sephiroth himself wasn’t silent for too long, but it was long enough to put a little seed of apprehension in you. You shifted your weight on your feet.</p><p>“Was this from yesterday?” he said in a notably smaller tone than usual.</p><p>It took you a full second to notice that he was looking at your shoulder, and another second to realize what he was talking about. “Oh - <em> oh </em>, that?”</p><p>You twisted your neck as far as it could go, bending back slightly even though the motion was more irritating than you’d like to admit. You gave the bruise a passing glance.</p><p>“I mean..yeah.” you said. “But I’ve had worse, can hardly feel it anymore actually.” you quickly added after seeing his brows crease lower on his face.</p><p>“Hey, man, seriously I’m over it. It’s just a bruise, you didn’t like, cut my arm off.” Though for a moment, you thought he would have done exactly that.</p><p>“I tend to get carried away with that sort of thing..it was unprofessional of me,” He almost seemed to shrink into himself, but he looked more like one of the droopy willows you saw once while patrolling a small village outside Midgar. He withdrew his hand like he had just stung you. “I apologize for causing you harm.”</p><p>“You..don’t have to, Seph, it’s fine. <em> I’m </em> fine.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“Honest. It was just a fall, that’s how sparring matches are.” you waved him off. His concern was sweet at first, albeit strange and just a little uncomfortable. But now you felt like you were consoling a kicked puppy. “Besides, it was fun.”</p><p>“..Fun?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. It’s not every day you get to fight, er, <em> you </em>.”</p><p>“I see.” he said, noticeably relaxing a bit. “So you’re sure you’re alright?”</p><p>“Positive.”</p><p>The corners of his mouth turned up slightly in..satisfaction? Relief? Something like that. He looked like he was about to leave, but before he could fully turn his back to you he stopped, turning his head.</p><p>“Oh, if you can, meet me in the briefing room in about an hour. There’s something I’d like to speak to you about.”</p><p>You could feel your stomach actively turning into a pit. “Aren’t we talking right now?” you said, feeling more than a little thick in the head and wanting very badly to slap yourself when you saw a crease form between his brows.</p><p>“It’s important. I requested a meeting with Lazard.”</p><p>The pit in your stomach was now a sinkhole.</p><p>“Oh,” you said. “Okay, uh...cool.”</p><p>Sephiroth snorted with some degree of amusement. “Don’t be late.”</p><p>“Sure!” you said maybe a little too enthusiastically. You never were good at masking your anxiety. “Sure.” you quickly repeated in a markedly more composed tone, doing an even worse job at sounding calm.</p><p>He was already walking away - thank god. You didn’t want to see his face. As the elevator doors severed you from him, you found yourself tapping your foot against the panels of the floor, arms crossed so tight they felt stiff and weird dangling at your sides as you walked outside to the training field.</p><p>You ran laps (you weren’t counting, but it felt infinite), your brain shutting itself off without you meaning to. There was too much to think about, but it was so early in the morning you told yourself, that you deserved not thinking about any of it. Just for a couple minutes, a few more laps. The apology, the hand on your shoulder, the meeting, the apology - nope. Not thinking about it.</p><p>• • •</p><p>By the time you reached the cafeteria, you found that you weren’t that hungry at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hooly shit im so sorry this took forever to put out ;-; after finally getting back in a writing mood the Big Texas Power Outage Of 2021 happened lmao<br/>anyway !! big thanks to anyone still reading this u make it worth it &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You were really starting to regret not getting at least a coffee as you made your way to the briefing room. Maybe it was just your nerves, or the fact you might’ve run a mile in under an hour, but you were feeling some horrible combination of tired and energized. You closed your hands into tight fists to calm your jitters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You could already see their frosty apparitions just beyond the semi-transparent sliding door, the figure that could’ve only been Sephiroth turning in your direction as you approached. He was leaning against the ring of desks in the center of the room, arms crossed, with Director Lazard seated at a monitor right next to him. The screen gleamed against the glasses perched on his angular face, obscuring his eyes until he looked up at you. They were the same stony grey as his suit, which he smoothed down as he sat up, extending a gloved hand toward you. You shook it, slightly bewildered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was kind of a lanky man, his hair the dingy color of wheat. But he had kind eyes, the type that crinkled at the corners when he smiled even a little bit. He gave you a single, firm handshake before taking it back, folding his hands neatly in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning! I’m glad you could make it on such short notice.” he said, promptly sitting back down. “This won’t take too long, I assure you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth gave you a nod in greeting, ambling over to stand beside you. You straightened your posture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just wanted to make sure you’re both on the same page.” he said as he typed something in rapid succession.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem, director.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking his hands off the keyboard, he set his elbows on the desk. “It’s come to my attention that you’ve made great strides in your training.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Doesn’t feel like it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you wanted to add. You shifted on your feet, trying to keep your attention focused on the director and not on the eyes you felt boring into you from two feet away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, starting today, you’ll be joining Sephiroth on his missions. At his request, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn’t know what to say, you weren’t sure if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> say anything even if you had the words. You turned toward Sephiroth, who - while facing the director - was looking at you through his peripherals, the corner of his mouth twitching just slightly before he erased all evidence of it. It happened so fast that it took you a few too many seconds to register it as a grin. You always wondered how he could do that. Suddenly realizing you had been quiet for an embarrassingly long time, gawking like a fool, you cleared your throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t let you down, sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sephiroth glanced down, the full extent of his attention on you now. Then, he did something strange. He smiled - like, genuinely. Not so much with his mouth, but with his eyes, squinting with something that wasn’t born from tired disapproval or aloof pride. Noticing your jaw had gone slack, you snapped it shut, facing ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that that’s in order,” Lazard started, throwing a glance over his shoulder at the wall-sized screen behind him. “You’ll be sent to Kalm to investigate recent reports of strange activity around its mines.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The screen blinked to life, showing a map with dozens of little dots with one in particular highlighted among the rest. The tension in your muscles loosened. By all accounts, it was a routine job for soldiers in your class. You’d since lost count of all the times you’ve disposed of monsters and the like in the villages surrounding Midgar. If you were being honest, you weren’t sure why a 1st would be needed for something so mundane, unless they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> bent on getting this over with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We sent a group of 3rds to scope it out,” he adjusted his glasses. “All three are currently recovering in the hospital wing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be dispatched when we have everything ready. Should take a little over an hour but we’ll send someone for you.” he finished, looking much too optimistic for you. “I’m sure you two can handle this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good to me, sir.” you said, feebly masking the tremble in your voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lazard nodded. “Dismissed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing Sephiroth bow his head, you stiffly followed suit, shuffling to the side as you followed him out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you entered the hall, Sephiroth looked over his shoulder, slowing his pace as you eventually caught up to him. He looked at you with that same expression back in the briefing room, flicking his bangs out of his face with a single shake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nervous?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pff, </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Nah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pause, and the gap in conversation made you not want to look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” he said calmly, the sound putting your nerves at ease.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>• • •</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Flexing your hand, your knuckles popped, going back to gripping the edge of the seat. You were still being jostled by the uneven road, and it was taking all your concentration not to knock into Sephiroth (who was somehow so stationary you’d think he was glued in place). You were already trying to balance feeling nervous and excited, but when he so easily could’ve sat across from you in the otherwise empty truck, you were sure he was actively trying to make you puke. You stared out the window. You had already been on the road for some time, but it wouldn’t take you more than twenty or so minutes to get to Kalm. But every passing second felt like an hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You felt something nudge your arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It startled you, but you ignored it, thinking it was just a particularly rough bump in the road that finally shifted Sephiroth out of place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another nudge. You cast him a glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re tense,” he commented in that flat tone he usually reserved for your training sessions. “Ease up a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without really thinking, you let your shoulders droop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be fine. Think of it as any other mission you’ve cleared.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” you mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long stretch of silence. For a while - you couldn’t tell, really - all you heard was the sound of rocks and dirt crunching under the truck’s tires. Outside, grassy cliffs filled every corner. The sun wasn’t out today, and you could feel the latent chill from outside seeping in from the pane of glass behind you. Sephiroth leaned his head against the wall of the truck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My first mission, my first </span>
  <em>
    <span>big</span>
  </em>
  <span> one, went horribly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked over at him. Leaning forward, you perched your elbows on your knees. His chest rose in a silent sigh. You weren’t about to prod him to continue. He was far away in a memory, looking both unreasonably young and old. You shifted in your seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever the outcome, it’ll make for some good experience.” he finally spoke, slowly, like he was rolling the words around in his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled softly, his eyes fluttering shut. “Yes. Did it work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You kind of suck at it,” you said, sitting upright with your arms folded across your chest. “But yeah..sort of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked at you before letting out a bemused laugh, his shoulders shaking with the lilting rumble. You couldn’t help but crack a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just like that, the truck jolted to a stop, rocking you right into Sephiroth. You muttered an ‘ouch’ as you rubbed the part of your head that collided with his pauldron. You thought you heard a ‘sorry’ in response, but before you could acknowledge it there was a quick succession of bangs from the plate separating you and the driver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was fast.” Sephiroth hummed, pushing himself up and reaching for the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though it was incredibly overcast, you squinted against the brightness from the silver blanket of clouds that shielded the sky. There was a humid chill in the air, uncomfortably clinging to your skin like an ill-fitting sweater. It looked like it wanted to rain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had dropped you off just outside of Kalm, the small town peeking out of its cozy nest among a grassy plain. It was a short walk away, but already your presence was attracting attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you entered the town, dirt road abruptly shifting into swirling cobblestone, you felt dozens of eyes on you. The streets were by no means crowded, but the handful of people that were out made no attempt to hide their stares. You had since gotten used to that sort of thing - you had to be, as a member of SOLDIER. But now you shrivelled at the feeling, just a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was easy to ignore the looks - the good and the bad - but with a walking posterboy at your side it wasn’t as easy. It was impossible, and the further you ventured into town the more it seemed to cluster. Your pace broke, and you fell into step just behind him. He didn’t seem to notice, and if he did, he made no mention of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Is that him?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” a hushed voice passed by you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throwing a quick glance over your shoulder, you spotted two teens huddled together, trying to hide excited giggles behind their hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s gotta be, who else has hair like that?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You let out a snort, prompting Sephiroth to turn his head. It swivels to the side, right where you had been up until a minute ago, and there’s almost a hint of something frantic as he spends a second looking around for you. Finally setting his gaze on you - meeting your eyes - he gives you another one of his flash smiles, before refocusing on the path before him. Behind you, the teens burst into giggles, their shoes scraping against the stone floor as they scrambled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you entered the town square, the slowly amalgamating crowd became a singularity, and something in Sephiroth’s demeanor changed. Like the air before a storm, you saw no trace of the man that seemed intent on easing your nerves. This was Sephiroth the war hero.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>People were already approaching you - or rather, Sephiroth, who had unwittingly pulled a crowd into his own gravity. It took a fair amount of concentration to single out each voice among the cacophony, as they were barely audible over one another’s frantic questioning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Are you here to get rid of the monster?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>We’ve been out of work for almost a week now!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank goodness they finally sent a </span>
  </em>
  <span>real</span>
  <em>
    <span> soldier to take care of this.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mister Sephiroth can you look down here for a second?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You felt a pulse at your temple, like someone just stuck a needle into your brain matter and pulled it out in the same breath. The crowd was what you'd imagine a rip current to feel like, and without really meaning to, you exited his orbit. To your relief, none of them seemed to notice anyway. You felt a little bad leaving him back there, but as the sound of clashing voices and photos being snapped dulled, you felt the tightening in your chest loosen. Despite the chill in the air, you found that you had been sweating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This all started because of them.” a man muttered to someone beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were standing at the very edge of the crowd, looking on with a certain intensity. Though they were both staring in Sephiroth’s direction, you couldn’t help but feel like that venom was directed at you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on, they’re just a bunch of guard dogs. You know who’s really responsible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still don’t sit right with me.” the first man said, brimming with spite. “They can show off all they want, still ain’t solving shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You kept walking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>• • •</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You had left the town square entirely, the noise nothing but an echo. Quietly walking past shops and homes, you hadn’t realized that you completely left Sephiroth in the dust. You were tempted to double back and drag him out of there, but as soon as you turned around you twitched in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a kid (a tiny thing, her tawny hair messily tied into twin pigtails and looking like she had just finished wrestling with dirt) standing about a foot in front of you. There was a sparkling curiosity in her eyes despite the impassive expression, and you realized that she wasn’t even looking at you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are those real?” she pointed at the blades strapped to your sides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gave them a passing glance. They were nothing special, though you took care of them like they were. They were simple, SOLDIER-issued swords - twins, with black blades that reflected a dull image of you whenever you polished them. You unsheathed the one on your right, leaning over slightly as you lowered it to the kid’s level.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitates, like it’s an animal ready to snap at the hands she has clutched close to her heart. But she takes a closer look, her sparkling eyes reflecting in its dark metal, warped but intrigued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool.” she says with a simple sort of reverence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slipping it back in its sheath, you peer down the path you took from the center of town. You sighed. With no hint of Sephiroth, you continued toward the mines.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were only able to take about a handful of steps before you heard a soft pattering of shoes against the road shortly behind you. You didn’t have to look to see the kid trotting after you like a small shadow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you fight monsters with those?” she asked between breaths, struggling slightly to keep up with your pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a pretty big monster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’ve heard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There were some soldier guys here yesterday. They got hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s..that’s why we’re here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up at you, over her shoulder, then back at you. “Is your friend coming?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not my - </span>
  <em>
    <span>where are your parents?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw him back there, my brother thinks he’s cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You rubbed your eyes, suddenly feeling very tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your friend’s got a big sword. Bet that’s gonna scare the monster away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it would.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re really gonna fight it alone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably.” Stopping mid-step, you felt the kid collide with your arm. “And that means you gotta stay here where it’s safe before the monster eats you. Or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kid paused, brows furrowing as if deep in thought. After careful consideration, she finally spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay - good luck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing the kid trot back where she came, you stretched - your arms reaching for the sky - before you folded them behind your head. You really should’ve gotten that coffee.</span>
</p>
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